Before anything else, this one's quite long, an incomplete account of how the first two months of 2016 almost knocked me down. Since I was on a writing hiatus, keeping this short is also a challenge.
Yes the struggle was real and it is still here and it pains me. Big time. Every fucking night. But I have to :) to keep going.
Exactly a month today since my freedom from my 5-day hospital imprisonment, I am slowly getting back in shape. For 30 days now, I'm taking 5,000mg of antibiotics, so please spare me and don't ever think that I'm overdoing things when I find it hard to walk on a normal pace, when I hallucinate, when I feel dizzy anytime of the day, when I throw up. You won't like how it feels and I won't wish you the same thing.
Posting this gives me a sense of relief, like it's a way of coping from how painful the past 60 days have been. There are times I feel fine talking about the experience, the reason behind the neck wound, and the string of events prior to the biopsy that took its toll on my physical body.
Then there are times it feel bad when I have to explain to people and feel the need to warn them that hey it's not a communicable disease so don't stay away from me.
Before February started, it was against my will to undergo the procedure for fear that it might be malignant. I was scared to know the truth but I had to. I was tested for malignancy, for HIV, for another thing. So there, the day that the biopsy results were out, I made a plea in Heaven and God heed my prayer.
This disease is not new to me but treatment is much more complicated and more expensive. I'm now on my 30th day of medication and I cannot miss or stop. I have become dependent on other people and I miss not being like that. We're still waiting for another test result and until then, my everyday struggle remains the same. But I know God will help me endure everything.
