Self-help.

I've been reading a lot of self-help articles the past few days. Aside from the ample of time I have at work (only because it's lean season), this is really one of the things I am fond of. I know this year has been awful and these articles I have chanced upon make me look forward to a better 2014 in three months time. I am freakin' excited to end this year. Excited is actually an understatement.

Well, cliche as it may sound but this year has taught me some of the greatest lessons in my 20-something life. I won't go through it one by one, I don't want to sound like one of those self-help stories I've read in the past weeks and if I mention those lessons here, I would have to cite some unfortunate situations that happened to me, which I'm avoiding only because I would like to forget the pain or whatever negative feeling attached to those events. 

But I have bookmarked some of the articles that made a mark in my heart. And just in case I  get through the same kind of pain or joy or if my issues now will still remain unsettled in the next five years or more (but I really pray that it won't), I can easily go back to reading these ones. 

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/20-things-know-youre-30

http://elitedaily.com/life/accepting-who-you-are-and-learning-to-love-being-alone-are-essential-to-a-happy-life/

No filter.

It has been more than a month since the Great Escape. I thought it would do me good. Well, it has but just momentarily. The happiness I felt during that trip was fleeting. Although I've been wanting it to last as long as it could. For sanity's sake.

And now, I've been wanting to escape again. To go somewhere, a place where I can see life through rose-tinted glasses without anyone's help but mine alone and God. But I am not in it. Far away from it. Some of the people around me might probably think I've been entertaining all the negative vibes I can but I tell you, I never wanted this.

Put yourself in my shoes, go through every bit of the unfortunate events I've gone through. Feel every ounce of  pain and sadness I tried to brush off and then tell me, will you blame me for being in this state I am now in?

It took me a lot of courage to admit this. But I am at my lowest. Again. I've been fighting every urge to wallow in what I am feeling now. I've been struggling every ****ing day to be happy or tell myself that there is something to be happy about.

Well they say that every waking day is a gift itself, something to be thankful for but it seems that it's more of a struggle, a daily battle if I may say. It feels like a tug-of-war kind of thing with myself. I know I should fight this before I totally lose myself in the process of salvaging myself, a rescue and favor I need to do for myself. And not for anyone else.

I don't need anyone's approval of my feelings. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I just need people to understand that a weakazoid like me is trying to fight, to smile, to live. Sadly, some may not be fully aware of the special kind of understanding I ask of them (those or that person I count on the most).

Well, life is fun. Not just now. But soon this will all make perfect sense and I will come out stronger than I ever was. Because at the end of the day, being strong is the only choice I have.

Photo credit from Pinterest. 

Very random thoughts.

I dread being alone these days.

It makes me feel how miserable I am feeling lately.

I want to feel happy again.

I miss the sunny attitude I used to have.

But I am happy whenever I laughed so hard at simple jokes.

It’s my way of coping with misery.

I want to wear that happy hat again.

Happiness is a choice they say.

I choose it every single day, how come each day it’s a struggle.

How come everyday I have to work so hard just to feel it?

I dread it when it’s nighttime.

Because each night I literally feel that my heart is breaking into pieces.

How can I say goodbye to misery?

How can I not let my emotions get the better of me?

I want to see the world.

It might change the way I think and feel. 

Get together with the JA peeps. A sweet escape indeed.

Wow, it has been four months since I last wrote something. It has been a tough ride since then. A lot of depressing things happened, my mind had been a constant nest of worries and confusion, and the past six months have been very difficult for our family but as of this writing, I can say that things are slowly going back to normal. So I'm really grateful for that.

Depression and loneliness have also made a comeback in my life. Literally, I felt that my life was falling into pieces. That's how bad I was feeling. And since the year started, I was always looking forward to things that can bring back my sunny attitude. Sadly, nothing worked for me. But God's timing is always right. Just when I thought that every aspect of my life is sucking the happiness out of me, my happy pill (my friends) saves me. 

And now, for the first time this year, I can say that I am feeling better, I am happy. Thanks to my dear friends, happiness is starting to kick in. 

The past two weekends have been a blast. It was a good way to recover from a depressing state. The dinner, videoke night, and talks over coffee reminded me that happiness is just around the corner. Friends can really keep my sanity intact. But two weekends spent with friends/dear HS classmates are far more special if done after almost 10 years. Nakaka-miss maging HS. Sobra sobra. Bentang benta sa akin ang mga stories last Friday night. Lalo na yung 1/4, number one pag Filipino at Kapitan Tuando. Ang pag-figure out kelan kami nag-present ng may Heal The World song bilang si Jamor at Jerico lang ang nakakaalala. At bilang finale group song yun nung videoke night. 

It has been almost a decade since we had a get together. Kung wala pang balikbayan na hindi umuwi for eight years, walang get together na ganito. :))) 

These are just some of the people that made my HS life very, very memorable. But really, I am just thankful that I spent two weekends with these people. Funny stories from HS made the wee hours of the morning more enjoyable. And thanks Jerico for the treat, nagkaroon ng reunion dahil sa pagbalik mo. :D

Well represented ang group na to, may engineers, nurses, doctors, lawyers, writer. Ako lang yata ang tamad. Hahaha. But kidding aside, I am certain that all of us were just so happy to see each other and exchange stories after 10 long years. 

And being with them again I can say that some good things never change. JA rules! :D