And now, I've been wanting to escape again. To go somewhere, a place where I can see life through rose-tinted glasses without anyone's help but mine alone and God. But I am not in it. Far away from it. Some of the people around me might probably think I've been entertaining all the negative vibes I can but I tell you, I never wanted this.
Put yourself in my shoes, go through every bit of the unfortunate events I've gone through. Feel every ounce of pain and sadness I tried to brush off and then tell me, will you blame me for being in this state I am now in?
It took me a lot of courage to admit this. But I am at my lowest. Again. I've been fighting every urge to wallow in what I am feeling now. I've been struggling every ****ing day to be happy or tell myself that there is something to be happy about.
Well they say that every waking day is a gift itself, something to be thankful for but it seems that it's more of a struggle, a daily battle if I may say. It feels like a tug-of-war kind of thing with myself. I know I should fight this before I totally lose myself in the process of salvaging myself, a rescue and favor I need to do for myself. And not for anyone else.
I don't need anyone's approval of my feelings. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I just need people to understand that a weakazoid like me is trying to fight, to smile, to live. Sadly, some may not be fully aware of the special kind of understanding I ask of them (those or that person I count on the most).
Well, life is fun. Not just now. But soon this will all make perfect sense and I will come out stronger than I ever was. Because at the end of the day, being strong is the only choice I have.
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| Photo credit from Pinterest. |