Wake me up when the drama ends.

Thanks to google for the image. 

A lot has been going on. And when I say a lot, it literally means my mind is so preoccupied to even think about negative things that used to haunt me when I'm faced with this kind of situation.

There were minutes that make me want to scream, minutes when I question, minutes when I just wanna break down. But I don't want my vulnerability get the better of me. I'm learning to take each day one at a time (imagine how difficult this is for me, difficult is actually an understatement), I find comfort in thinking about trite and trivial things that make me happy so pixie dust could work its magic. And yes there is an inner struggle. A struggle that I hope would help me regain the emotional strength I used to have.

And for some days now, I can say I'm thankful that work keeps me busy. Never did I thought that I can find some sort of a therapy at work. It temporarily diverts my attention from the things that would make me wallow in pity.

In times like this, I badly need someone so powerful than my hard-to-pacify-mind to keep me sane.

Random.

When can reality be way so much better than our dreams? 

When that time comes, I won't even want to sleep.

What's on my mind?

Mabuti nang hindi ko pa nahahanap ang trabahong tunay kong gusto, nakita ko naman agad ang tamang lalaki para sa buhay ko.


Ipagpaumanhin ang kaartihan, the thought just suddenly hit me.
I chanced upon one of my tito's favorite quote while browsing his FB page and it says:
"I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I do not love".


Naisip ko tuloy bigla na ang trabaho at pakikipagrelasyon ay magkaparehas sa bagay na to.
If you can't picture yourself growing old with that person, why stay? Why invest?
If you do your work half-heartedly, why let yourself be stuck in doing something you do not love?
Buti na lang, swerte pa din ako :) Sabi nga nila, mas mahirap daw makita ang tamang lalaki para sa yo.

Look What I've Found!

Seymond's looking at my name... *Kilig*

(Taken in Hawaii 4 1/2 years ago ...)

 

In less than three months, gonna say hello to a LDR set-up again. :(((

By then, laptop's not only for FB & twitter. I'll use Sykpe video call more often. I know it's too early to be sad but this is something I must condition my mind for. And I know myself well, have to start this "re-conditioning" as early as possible. 

But for now, save...save...save up for Bora. 

Excitement is slowly creeping in. :D

Note to self:

You don't always owe everyone an explanation.
You don't even have to let others understand. 
Remember that what is important is that you always strive to remain true to yourself because it is in being true to one's feeling that you can actually allow yourself to accept things as they are and move forward. ♥♥♥

My First Love.

                                Whoever wrote/ made this, thank you! Everything is true. (c/o Google Images)  
                                                       


Somebody just made me think about my first love. And I think I'm ready to have a change of heart. :)


Writing has always been my first love. Since elementary up to my high school days, it has always been my dream to become a journalist. But for some weird reason, I kind of lost my passion for this when I was in college. Maybe, I got tired of the countless research papers and articles for my Journ classes back then. But since it has been a long dream, I pursued a writing career after graduation as a web copywriter. Writing 2,000 words or equivalent to four or five articles had been a daily occurrence. The end result... it made me somewhat dislike writing. 


Now, I feel that I'd like to renew my vows for this passion. I am like the wife- who once wanted for a divorce, and writing is my husband. However, I never thought that the separation would only make me miss this first love,  which I once embraced wholeheartedly. I am ready to face it after almost two years of not wanting to do it again and I'm keen on working on certain things to get better each day. 


I hope it's not yet too late. :)   

I Don't Want to be the Permeable Membrane

The eating, the traveling, the meditation, all these I want to do after I watched and while I'm currently reading "Eat Pray Love". However, if there's one part in the story that I don't want to experience, it would probably the one about the lover becoming the permeable membrane. It is just so sad. I am so in love with the idea of being loved and loving unconditionally, that I'm scared to lose my own self in the process.


I hope and I pray this won't happen to me and Igme. But I am confident. :)


Here's an excerpt:


Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I Iove you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time -- everything. If I love you, I will carry all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all these and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else. :(