Get together with the JA peeps. A sweet escape indeed.

Wow, it has been four months since I last wrote something. It has been a tough ride since then. A lot of depressing things happened, my mind had been a constant nest of worries and confusion, and the past six months have been very difficult for our family but as of this writing, I can say that things are slowly going back to normal. So I'm really grateful for that.

Depression and loneliness have also made a comeback in my life. Literally, I felt that my life was falling into pieces. That's how bad I was feeling. And since the year started, I was always looking forward to things that can bring back my sunny attitude. Sadly, nothing worked for me. But God's timing is always right. Just when I thought that every aspect of my life is sucking the happiness out of me, my happy pill (my friends) saves me. 

And now, for the first time this year, I can say that I am feeling better, I am happy. Thanks to my dear friends, happiness is starting to kick in. 

The past two weekends have been a blast. It was a good way to recover from a depressing state. The dinner, videoke night, and talks over coffee reminded me that happiness is just around the corner. Friends can really keep my sanity intact. But two weekends spent with friends/dear HS classmates are far more special if done after almost 10 years. Nakaka-miss maging HS. Sobra sobra. Bentang benta sa akin ang mga stories last Friday night. Lalo na yung 1/4, number one pag Filipino at Kapitan Tuando. Ang pag-figure out kelan kami nag-present ng may Heal The World song bilang si Jamor at Jerico lang ang nakakaalala. At bilang finale group song yun nung videoke night. 

It has been almost a decade since we had a get together. Kung wala pang balikbayan na hindi umuwi for eight years, walang get together na ganito. :))) 

These are just some of the people that made my HS life very, very memorable. But really, I am just thankful that I spent two weekends with these people. Funny stories from HS made the wee hours of the morning more enjoyable. And thanks Jerico for the treat, nagkaroon ng reunion dahil sa pagbalik mo. :D

Well represented ang group na to, may engineers, nurses, doctors, lawyers, writer. Ako lang yata ang tamad. Hahaha. But kidding aside, I am certain that all of us were just so happy to see each other and exchange stories after 10 long years. 

And being with them again I can say that some good things never change. JA rules! :D 

  

A summer-like weather in August.

Two and a half months have passed since the big day. And I am still in euphoria, just reminiscing everything that happened on Aug. 11, 2012. I know God has specially answered my prayers that day, one of which was for Mr. Sun to show himself to us after a week of misfortune because that was the "Habagat Week".

When I look back at the things that happened a few days before that, I knew what I did was the very right thing. That for all the things I have no control of, I just have to "let go and let God" do wonders.

And just when I thought that it would be one gloomy day, God presented His gift to us. At exactly 8 o'clock in the morning, Mr. Sun said hello while I was having my breakfast.  God is really good, I will forever be grateful that He gave us a Summer-like weather last August 11. We may not have done it in the exact date that we wanted, but He has proven to me that He will do wonders if I just believe.

Thanks to the prayers of dear friends and family, Seymond and I may have cried buckets because of weather-related fears but all those vanished into thin air when we saw the sun. We were more than lucky to have that Summer-like weather in one of the most special days in our lives. God knows how I have always wanted a Summer wedding. Maybe because I love the sun, April is my birth month, and that I feel happier when it's Summertime.

And with that said, here's a proof that will forever remind us how God good is. My smile that day was so real, the day I know that the happiness I felt was genuine. And when you feel that a certain kind of happiness really comes from the heart, it will radiate. And I'd like to believe this video says it all.

Click this for the video: PROJECT SEYKI

What's bottled up?

I rarely see you but when I do, you don't have any idea how much I want to 
STARE, SMILE... at you.


I rarely see you but when I do, you don't have any idea how much I long to
TALK, LAUGH... with you.


I rarely see you but when I do, you don't have any idea how much I wish to
HOLD YOUR HAND, FEEL YOUR ARMS, HUG YOU TIGHT.

All these I yearn for but I can only pray that some things can happen...
I just don't know if it's in reality or only in my dream.

Hangin ng Nakaraan

"Darating ang mga pagkakataon na hindi mo mapipigilan ang pagdating ng hangin ng nakaraan, guguluhin nito ang iyong isipan at ang kasalukuyan. Unti-unti kang mapapaisip sa mga pangarap, katanungan, at mga pagdududa na hindi mo alam kung kailan mabibigyan ng kasagutan.


At 'pag iyong dinama ang hangin na ito, matutukso ka. Tila isang panaginip na ayaw mo nang magising dahil sa mga pagkakataong gaya nun ay nabibigyan ng buhay ang isang pangarap. At darating ang mga segundo, minuto, at oras na maiisipan mong hanapin ang mga sagot sa mga katanungang unti-unting naglulunod sa iyo, ngunit may hahadlang na isang bagay na iyong pinagkaka-ingat-ingatan at ayaw mong pakawalan.


Pag tagal tagal, hindi mo mamamalayan ang papaalis na hangin ng nakaraan...hanggang sa tuluyan na itong mawawala sa iyong isipan. Ngunit mag-iiwan ito ng mga bakas ng pagdududa at ang panibagong sakit dahil sa mga tanong na hindi mo mahahanapan ng kasagutan. "

---Maki
02/28/08

Of feelings and choices.

How I wish it would be easy to just brush off some emotions. 

Why do some feelings, fleeting as it may seem, can't die a natural death? 

Why can't we wake up the following day not knowing we actually grow fond of something. 

How I wish it would be easy to say that it's just ephemeral. 

That everything's just a make-believe, that feeling of becoming a lovesick puppy all over again and that feeling that something in front of your eyes can actually send shivers down your spine.   

Sometimes, things happen that would make us question those that unusually bother us. 

Sometimes, these things let us realize how in touch we really are with our emotions. 

But sometimes, we just can't fool ourselves. 

There are just some feelings we can't totally run away from. 

Yeah, it's true that there are always questions that need to be answered especially when it concerns matters of the heart. 

BUT there are also words that are better left unsaid, given certain circumstances. 

And to convince ourselves of something that we're not even sure of is another issue. 

'Coz the more we deny it, the harder it will persists. 
And we just have to come to terms with it. Sometimes accepting that maybe we only let ourselves be carried away with misleading circumstances can help so we can forget about it in an instant. 

So the question now boils down to being logical. 

We have to guard our emotions and resort to letting some emotions remain unexpressed. But how can you even be logical with feelings? How? 

As they say, we always have an option as HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS A CHOICE. 

We either take the risk and lose something to hopefully gain something better or let certain puzzles remain unsolved and BE HAPPY with our decision. 

Missin' my Superman . My Real Emotional Weakness.

This is one of those days that I truly, sorely, badly miss Seymond. Today is his 25th beeday (USA time) and it's just so sad that we're a thousand miles apart, we only resorted to two days of short but sweet online date (with camwhoring in between :P).  It's been exactly three months since he left for Hawaii. The sadness will always be here just like pain, one just learn how to live with it. 

And since it's that time of the month again where hormones seem to get the better of me and unleash my real emotional weakness, the thought of Seymond brings me to tears. I've been wanting a real hug from my Superman. I miss the little things we used to do... the sweet little things he used to do. 


Lately, I have been swamped with work and I sometimes wish that I'd get to see him in the lobby or just outside the building. Of course, it won't happen unless I'm in a dream. I clearly remember those nights when I was still working in an ad agency and he patiently waited for me to get off work, even if it meant waiting for two or three excruciating hours. And never did I hear any complaint from him, he always did greet me with a smile and a stolen kiss and always have something for me to eat. That's how patient and loving he is so I fall even more deeply with this guy.  I'm just grateful that he's mine and forever will be. 

I don't know what it is about today that makes me feel oh so bad. All I know is it's been months since I last felt this weak and all that I need is him to pacify my uber paranoid and chaotic mind. If he's here, just a sight of him will make me feel I can conquer everything, even that to-do list that never seems to end. But he isn't and I can only continue wishing that I'd get a real hug from my Superman, I pray that it's gonna be sooner than I think.

This long distance set-up is a real test of our love and patience but I believe no one or nothing can ever come close to what we share and have.


And yeah, this is for keeps. ALWAYS HAVE. ALWAYS WILL. 

Wake me up when the drama ends.

Thanks to google for the image. 

A lot has been going on. And when I say a lot, it literally means my mind is so preoccupied to even think about negative things that used to haunt me when I'm faced with this kind of situation.

There were minutes that make me want to scream, minutes when I question, minutes when I just wanna break down. But I don't want my vulnerability get the better of me. I'm learning to take each day one at a time (imagine how difficult this is for me, difficult is actually an understatement), I find comfort in thinking about trite and trivial things that make me happy so pixie dust could work its magic. And yes there is an inner struggle. A struggle that I hope would help me regain the emotional strength I used to have.

And for some days now, I can say I'm thankful that work keeps me busy. Never did I thought that I can find some sort of a therapy at work. It temporarily diverts my attention from the things that would make me wallow in pity.

In times like this, I badly need someone so powerful than my hard-to-pacify-mind to keep me sane.